I've Missed You
by EmLSkywalker
Summary: This is the first time Castiel and Dean Winchester have seen each other in weeks, but it's going to be the last time as well. This is a lot like my last fic, just with a little extra stuff.


Dean leaned against the hood of the Impala and took Castiel's hands in his own. He swung them back forth every now and again as he looked at Cas.; neither one of them bothered to speak. Dean had a small smile on his face, but Cas' eyes were wide and filled with surprise; he looked as though he had seen a ghost.

The weather outside was cold, and the sky overcast, but it didn't seem to bother either of them in the least.

This was the first time that Cas had seen Dean in weeks and his lack of words were due to that fact. Why was Dean here? _How _could he be here?

"Say something," Dean pleaded. The look on his face was sad now. He didn't understand why Cas wasn't speaking. After all, they hadn't seen each other in so long.

Cas just shook his head in disbelief. His Dean was here, right in front of him, but he couldn't find anything to say. What exactly _was_ he to say to someone that was supposed to be dead?

"Dean," was all Cas could manage to say. His voice was even lower than usual; he was having a hard time keeping the crushing sadness he was feeling from creeping into his tone. Cas didn't want Dean to realize how much he actually missed him. He spent nights-and even most days-constantly thinking about Dean. It had gotten to the point where he wished that he could sleep and escape from all of those thoughts, but he also knew that if he wasn't thinking about him, he would be dreaming about him instead.

Dean reached up and ran his thumb over the face of the amulet that was hanging around Cas' neck. Cas gently laid his hand on top of Dean's and squeezed lightly.

"This looks good on you," Dean told him. He was doing his best to keep his tone light. As happy as he was to see Cas, this entire moment was making him uncomfortable. Even in death, he didn't know how to deal with chick-flick moments.

Still, all Cas could do was stare. Having Dean hear brought back all of the memories that he had been trying to repress, all of the memories that continued to plague his thoughts regardless.

It happened on a day opposite this one- the sky was as blue as it had ever been, and there was not a cloud in sight. The temperature was warm, but Cas was still wearing his oversized trench coat and Dean was still wearing his long-sleeved plaid shirt. It was only supposed to be a routine demon killing, but there had been more of them than Cas and Dean had anticipated. Dean had sworn to Sam that he and Cas could take care of it, so Sam had been confined to Bobby's house to help him look for their next case.

At first, there had only been one demon, and Dean took that one out easily, but then another appeared, and then another, and before they knew it, they were surrounded by more demons than they could take on by themselves. Dean had turned to Cas then, grabbed him by his jacket's lapels, and slammed his lips against Cas'. It was as though he knew that they wouldn't make it out of here alive. It was painful, Cas had to admit, but it was also so wonderful that he wanted to stay with Dean like this forever. This was the first time he had ever kissed another person, and yet he couldn't imagine his first kiss being with anybody else but Dean.

Dean gave him a sad smile, ran his hand down softly down Cas' cheek, and then turned and started fighting. He did the best he could to fight them all off with his little demon-killing knife, and Cas was doing the same. Cas knew that he should have been fighting with Dean, but he was trying to take on the demons on the opposite side so he had no choice but to keep his back to him. It was a mistake that he'll regret for as long as he breathes.

Cas took out the last demon on his side and then turned around quickly so that he could help Dean with his, but Dean wasn't where Cas had expected him to be. Instead of turning to see Dean's back, he saw nothing. Cas lowered his head slowly and that's when he saw Dean. He fell to his knees and looked at Dean with a blank stare. He hadn't even heart him cry out. Why didn't he ask Cas for help? Castiel immediately felt rage building inside of him. He was surprised that he was angry, not at the demons, but at Dean. His pride had gotten in the way of him asking for help, and this is what it led to. Why did Cas have to fall in love with such a stubborn human?

Cas crawled over to Dean on his hands and knees. Dean was lying in a pool of his own blood. Cas couldn't tell where it was coming from, and at that point he didn't care, he just needed to help Dean. _I can heal him,_ he thought to himself frantically, _he'll be fine_. He knew this was a lie, but he couldn't let himself think that right now. All that mattered was getting to Dean. When Cas reached him, Dean's eyes were open and lifeless; there was absolutely no light in his beautiful green eyes. Cas moved Dean's head carefully so that it was lying in his lap. He was bent over him protectively, his back hunched so as to create a barrier to the outside world. _Why, _was all he could think.

Cas hadn't realized he had been crying until he felt Dean's finger brush against his cheek.

"Don't cry, angel," Dean whispered.

Cas couldn't look at him. "Dean, why are you here?" he asked slowly.

To answer his question, Dean reached and cradled the amulet in his palm. "You have to burn it."

Cas' head snapped up then and he glared at Dean. "No," he growled.

Dean gave him another one of his sad smiles. Cas was really starting to hate those.

"Don't look at me like that," he snapped, "if it weren't for your stupidity, you wouldn't be in this situation."

Dean continued to look at him, the smile still plastered to his face. He couldn't show Cas how broken he was, how empty he felt without him. Dean had been stuck here for weeks because Cas had neglected to burn the amulet, and all that time Dean had had to miss Cas. He knew it was partially his fault. He hadn't wanted to tell Cas about the amulet immediately because he wanted time with his angel, even if it meant only watching him from a distance, but he knew it would be better for both of them if the amulet was burned. That way Cas could move on and Dean could have some semblance of peace.

"You have to burn the amulet, Cas. You have to move on."

"I don't want to move on!" Cas was surprised by the fierceness of his own voice. Without Dean, he would just be heaven's soldier again. More than anything, he didn't want that. He wanted to be with the man he loved. He wanted to be happy-something that he hadn't been before Dean came along, and something that he no longer was.

Dean moved forward and wrapped his arms around Cas' neck. "I love you, Cas, and I will always love you. We'll see each other again soon."

Cas laid his head on Dean's shoulder for a moment before he made himself move away and unclasp the amulet from around his neck. He laid it gently on the ground and then looked at Dean. Dean smiled.

"I love you, Cas," he said again before Cas set fire to the amulet. Dean was still smiling as the flames engulfed him.

Cas sank to his knees and put his head in his hands.

"I love you too, Dean."


End file.
